Category Archives: Commentary on My Cohort

Why Lily White

English: Lily in garden

Image via Wikipedia

The term Lily White has a long and ugly past as it applies to American history and its culture.

Specifically, the term Lily-White Movement, as defined by Wikipedia, was an anti-civil-rights movement within the Republican Party in the United States in the late 19th and early 20th centuries. The movement was a response to the political and socioeconomic gains made by African-Americans following the Civil War and the Thirteenth Amendment to the Constitution, which eliminated slavery.  Black leaders gained increasing influence in the party by organizing blacks as an important voting bloc. Conservative white groups attempted to eliminate this influence and recover white voters who had defected to the Democratic Party.

“The lily white movement is one of the darkest and underexamined eras of US Republicanism.”

This movement is largely credited with driving blacks out of the Republican party during the early 20th century, setting the stage for their eventual support of the Democrats.

In essence, the movements goal was to suppress the votes (or in my opinion, the VOICE and Validity) of Black Americans.

As I began to speak up and speak out about a problem that touches far to many lives I realized pretty quickly that most people didn’t want to hear about the reality of the problem. It almost seemed as though the words I spoke offended a falsely innocent view of american culture and the violence that is going on in american children’s lives at the hands of adults, usually the adults that are closest to them.

A few definitions from around the web:

Defined by

1.) Lilywhite

n. a person without a police record; someone who does not trigger suspicions; a clean-skin.

This particular definition is the one that solidified my decision to use the term as the Pseudonym I would blog under. I started blogging specifically because the subject of Childhood Sexual Abuse, a subject that has recently and violently thrust itself into mine and my family’s life, was one that seemed to offend the public so much so that even as a victim/survivor, speaking about any aspect of the issue is highly frowned upon publicly. As I understood it, if I wanted to speak up, if I wanted to talk about this issue, it would have to be done privately and somewhat UNDER THE RADAR, so to speak.

The bottom line is, MY VOICE WON’T BE SILENCED. I WON’T CONFORM AND SHUT UP. But like many things, sometimes the best approach is one that is the least abrasive, for the moment at least.

I have quoted Dr. King many times before on this blog. Here are some that have resonated with me:

He who passively accepts evil is as much involved in it as he who helps to perpetrate it. He who accepts evil without protesting against it is really cooperating with it.
Martin Luther King, Jr.

In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
Martin Luther King, Jr.

Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity.
Martin Luther King, Jr.

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.
Martin Luther King, Jr.
The hottest place in Hell is reserved for those who remain neutral in times of great moral conflict.
Martin Luther King, Jr.

2.) lil·y-white (ll-hwt, -wt)


1. White as a lily.
2. Beyond reproach; blameless.
3. Informal Excluding or seeking to exclude Black people.


1. (Fine Arts & Visual Arts / Colours) of a pure white lily-white skin
2. Informal pure; irreproachable
3. US informal

a.  discriminating against Blacks a lily-white club
b.  racially segregated

Adj. 1. lily-white – restricted to whites only; “under segregation there were even white restrooms and white drinking fountains”; “a lily-white movement which would expel Negroes from the organization”


segregated, unintegrated – separated or isolated from others or a main group; “a segregated school system”; “a segregated neighborhood”

2. lily-white – of a pure white color.

achromatic, neutral – having no hue; “neutral colors like black or white

3.) lily-white


white as a lily

innocent and pure; unsullied: often used sarcastically

practicing discrimination against, or segregation of, nonwhites, esp. blacks


White Washing or White Washed has a specific meaning as well and I found would be appropriate to be included into the Pseudonym.

To white wash something would be To conceal or gloss over (wrongdoing, for example).

The biggest problem with CSA is the refusal of adults to acknowledge that there is a problem at all.

This post is a work in progress and may be revised…



On selfishness

In my experience, it seems to be the favorite pastime of a martyr to ask others to listen patiently while they explain how selfish they think you are.

Saturday Night Lights


Saturday Night Lights always seem to be blue and flashing. This picture was taken out the window of my bar after Doucebag-dinner-disaster the other night. I went to the bar to blog and ended up wondering why, for some people, a night out for a few drinks and fun ends up in a bar fight and blue lights. Sucks for them, kinda entertaining for me.

Oh well. Just another Saturday night at a bar.

Unleash the FURY


This is the picture that has sent me over the edge. While me and my children suffer daily my husband is enjoying his new found freedom. This is a picture of him and his cousin after enjoying a day at the beach. His cousin drove from upstate ny to vacation here and didn’t once concern herself as to the wellbeing of my children. Matter of fact, since this whole thing began, she hasn’t contacted me even once. Compassion is something she lacks.

Trust no one


Trust no one.

A must post because it touches my heart…

Unfortunately to protect the privacy of the author, I have to post an encrypted version.


I’ve never read something so beautifully calming. I love your observations. xoxo

List of personality traits

List of Personality Traits

Personality Traits List of Personality Traits

List of Personality Traits
Positive Negative
accepts authority, loyal, devoted rebellious
accepts what’s given ignores, rejects what’s given
affectionate distant, cold, aloof
Ambitious, motivated self-satisfied, unmotivated
aspiring self-satisfied
candid closed, guarded, secretive
caring uncaring, unfeeling, callous
change; accepts, embraces it rejects change
cheerful cheerless, gloomy, sour, grumpy
considerate, thoughtful inconsiderate, thoughtless
cooperative uncooperative, unhelpful, combative
courageous cowering, fearful
courteous rude, impolite
decisive indecisive
devoted uncommitted, uncaring, hostile
determined indecisive, unsure
does what is necessary, right does what is convenient
perseveres, endures relents, gives up
enthusiastic unenthusiastic, apathetic, indifferent
expansive kept back, tight, constricting
faith in life life can’t be trusted
faith in oneself lack of faith in self
faith in others others can’t be relied on
flexible inflexible, rigid, unbending, stubborn
forgiving unforgiving, resentful, spiteful
focused unfocused, scattered
freedom given to others authoritarian, controlling
friendly unfriendly, distant, aloof, hostile
frugal, thrifty Wasteful, spendthrift
generous stingy, miserly, selfish
goodwill ill-will, malice, hatred
grateful ungrateful, unappreciative
hard-working lazy
honest dishonest, deceiving, lying
humble arrogant, conceited, ego-centric
interested indifferent, uncaring
involved complacent, indifferent
jealous, not jealous, envious, covetous
kind unkind, uncaring, cruel, mean
mature immature
modest vain
open-minded, tolerant narrow, close, small-minded, intolerant
optimistic pessimistic
perfects allows imperfection
persistent, sustaining flagging, fleeting, unsustaining
practical impractical, not viable
punctual late, not on time
realistic naïve, impractical
reliable unreliable, undependable
respectful disrespectful, rude, impolite
responsibility, takes blames others
responsible unreliable, undependable
responsive unresponsive, unreceptive
self-confident lack of self confidence, insecure
self-directed directed by externals
self-disciplined undisciplined, unrestrained, indulgent
self-esteem, high self-esteem, confidence – low
self-giving self-centered
self-reliant dependent
selfless selfish
sensitive Insensitive, indifferent
serious silly, trivial, petty
sincere insincere, dishonest
social independence social approval required
sympathetic unsympathetic, unfeeling
systematic unsystematic, disorganized, disorderly, random
takes others point of view insists on own view
thoughtful towards others thoughtless, inconsiderate, callous
trusting suspicious, mistrusting
unpretentious pretentious, affected, ostentatious
unselfish selfish
willing does, willingness stubborn, unwilling, reluctant
work comes first convenience first

I Am – The Human Condition

I found this article interesting enough to shamelessly copy and paste it word for word. I will of course highlight some of my favorite quotes from Mr. Benzel’s article and will be searching for the documentary I AM by Mr. Shadyac. It looks like it’s worth watching. 

 ξ( ″• ∫ •)³


The Theme Beneath the Themes

Quin Benzel
For The Vancouver Voice

In Tom Shadyac’s new documentary, I AM, he begins every interview by asking eminent scholars like Noam Chomsky, Howard Zinn and Desmond Tutu if they have ever seen Ave Ventura: Pet Detective. They haven’t. “These are people who helped change me,” Shadyac said during a recent Portland visit. If you didn’t know the person but only his movies, it’d be easy to call bullshit. No way the man who made Evan Almighty could make something with actual meaning and intent. Could he? Has he all along?

Turns out Shadyac has more on his mind than an animal sleuth with social issues. “I’d been questioning things in my life for years,” Shadyac says. “As success came my way I started to notice a hypocrisy in my life.” At the film’s end, he gives his wealth to worthy causes, buys a bike and moves into a mobile home in Malibu. Now a teacher of screenwriting at Pepperdine University in California, Shadyac lives a much more deliberate life. But I Am is a tricky movie to describe, and most attempts to do so do not give it justice. It really is as simple as this: It’s about feeling and compassion and how we’re biologically engineered to cooperate and not compete with each other.

But it could also be a sense of closure for Shadyac, who made the movie after a bike accident brought life violently into perspective. “ I thought I was literally going to die. I had post concussion syndrome, and it’s quite torturous. I thought, ‘if I am going to die, is there anything I want to explore or say before I go,’ and that’s how I Am was born.”

However, just wanting to say something is easier than actually saying it. The movie could have easily turned into another hour-and-a-half exploration of why the world is so corrupt, but I Am has magnanimity on its mind. “I love documentaries, but I think for myself I’d moved beyond documentaries pointing out the problem. I wanted to know what we do. This film is very different because it’s very hopeful,” Shadyac says.

And through all the egalitarian themes and good vibrations the movie emits, Shadyac never once forgets who he is. “I’m the guy who directed Ace Ventura, and my sensibilities are in this film, so I think it makes it very accessible. There’s a humor and pace to it.” I Am doesn’t resort to such crude humor as having someone grab their ass cheeks and mimic talking through their butt, but it does display a sly comic tone—all while attempting to relate how we are meaningfully connected to the world around us.

It’s poetry blended with scientific fact. At one point we’re told that the chemical element argon is inert, and that when we breathe it, we’re taking a breath that could have once been inside the lungs of Joan of Arc. This may not be as important to understand as helping your fellow-man, but collectively it works as a means to help come to terms with the most essential parts of life. “Very few people will say ‘it’s [what’s most important in life] because my IRA matured.’ They all tell a very similar story. ‘I was apart of something creative, loving, a family, I grew,’”says Shadyac.

But the man credited for cramming more fart jokes into a dinner scene (The Nutty Professor) than anyone before him is by no means a distant memory. “I look back on all those movies with an incredible fondness. Making someone laugh is a way we connect with each other, and I would do it again,” Shadyac says. “The difference is I would do it differently. I would be much more efficient with the resources. I would do it with a simplified crew, and I wouldn’t be amassing all the wealth myself.”

And even upon a close look, I Am shares uniquely similar traits of the human condition that films like Liar Liar, The Nutty Professor or Patch Adams also did. I Am is the theme below those themes. It’s why we may lie to each other; it’s why we may put another person down. [It] looks at the root cause of the society we’ve built.” And even of his past projects, he says, “I think if somebody’s suffering in the hospital and they see Ave Ventura and it removes them from their pain, that’s a pretty important movie.”

Shadyac tells us that “nothing in nature takes more than it needs.”As humans, we’re the only species really capable of greed or unprovoked, malicious intent.But we’re also very susceptible to change. We can empathize, reason and understand. Shadyac says, “I Am presents a point of view; I’m welcome to other points of view. I just want to start the conversation.”

I Am is now playing at the Fox Tower in Portland