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Category Archives: Change: not just something that makes your hands stink anymore
After reading the article below, it became shocking clear to me how much I miss and desperately long for the little things that make a marriage/intimate relationship so fullfilling.
In my marriage, my husband was the strong one who carried the weight of the families safety and security (as I perceived it incorrectly during the marriage, in theory more than reality due to the physical and emotional harm he actually had caused) on his shoulders. He was a very loving and nurturing partner and father and always an outstanding provider.
Whenever he would get sick, like a minor cold, or stepped on a rock that bruised his heel, or witnessed someone that was sick and sure he was coming down with something fatal like dengue fever, malaria, or west nile virus, lol, I happily and lovingly tended to my sick and on the verge of death spouse’s every need. And I did so happily and lovingly as it was one of the very few times I could be his source of comfort and his strength and backbone. I loved to care for him when he was struck with a “killer cold”. It gave me the chance to be his everything.
The other situation that I always came through for him was our Snake/Spider agreement. I handled any encounter with snakes for him as he was deathly afraid of them and he in return handled any spider encounters for me due to my insane arachnophobia. Btw, I think I may have saved him from more snake encounters as in our line of work we seemed to come across a lot. It made me feel incredible useful.
Being single now for almost two years has brought to the surface some emotions about the little things that I loved about being married. I miss that kind of closeness and long to feel and be that role for someone once again.
The bottom line is, I miss being in love. I miss have a partner to walk through life with and yes, I miss making soup for my guy who has a cold and kissing his forehead. I miss picking out the very best kleenex for him so his nose doesn’t become as red as rudolphs. I miss being tender and affectionate and have tenderness, affection, and love showed to me.
I miss the little things that create a bond between two people and sharing my life with someone. I miss love.
A Couple’s Worst Nightmare: The Common Cold – DivineCaroline
The term Lily White has a long and ugly past as it applies to American history and its culture.
Specifically, the term Lily-White Movement, as defined by Wikipedia, was an anti-civil-rights movement within the Republican Party in the United States in the late 19th and early 20th centuries. The movement was a response to the political and socioeconomic gains made by African-Americans following the Civil War and the Thirteenth Amendment to the Constitution, which eliminated slavery. Black leaders gained increasing influence in the party by organizing blacks as an important voting bloc. Conservative white groups attempted to eliminate this influence and recover white voters who had defected to the Democratic Party.
“The lily white movement is one of the darkest and underexamined eras of US Republicanism.”
This movement is largely credited with driving blacks out of the Republican party during the early 20th century, setting the stage for their eventual support of the Democrats.
In essence, the movements goal was to suppress the votes (or in my opinion, the VOICE and Validity) of Black Americans.
As I began to speak up and speak out about a problem that touches far to many lives I realized pretty quickly that most people didn’t want to hear about the reality of the problem. It almost seemed as though the words I spoke offended a falsely innocent view of american culture and the violence that is going on in american children’s lives at the hands of adults, usually the adults that are closest to them.
A few definitions from around the web:
Defined by Double-Tongued.org
n. a person without a police record; someone who does not trigger suspicions; a clean-skin.
This particular definition is the one that solidified my decision to use the term as the Pseudonym I would blog under. I started blogging specifically because the subject of Childhood Sexual Abuse, a subject that has recently and violently thrust itself into mine and my family’s life, was one that seemed to offend the public so much so that even as a victim/survivor, speaking about any aspect of the issue is highly frowned upon publicly. As I understood it, if I wanted to speak up, if I wanted to talk about this issue, it would have to be done privately and somewhat UNDER THE RADAR, so to speak.
The bottom line is, MY VOICE WON’T BE SILENCED. I WON’T CONFORM AND SHUT UP. But like many things, sometimes the best approach is one that is the least abrasive, for the moment at least.
I have quoted Dr. King many times before on this blog. Here are some that have resonated with me:
He who passively accepts evil is as much involved in it as he who helps to perpetrate it. He who accepts evil without protesting against it is really cooperating with it.
Martin Luther King, Jr.
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
Martin Luther King, Jr.
Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity.
Martin Luther King, Jr.
Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.
Martin Luther King, Jr.
Martin Luther King, Jr.
The hottest place in Hell is reserved for those who remain neutral in times of great moral conflict.
Martin Luther King, Jr.
Martin Luther King, Jr.
2.) lil·y-white (ll-hwt, -wt)
1. White as a lily.
2. Beyond reproach; blameless.
3. Informal Excluding or seeking to exclude Black people.
2. Informal pure; irreproachable
3. US informal
a. discriminating against Blacks a lily-white club
b. racially segregated
Adj. 1. lily-white – restricted to whites only; “under segregation there were even white restrooms and white drinking fountains”; “a lily-white movement which would expel Negroes from the organization”
segregated, unintegrated – separated or isolated from others or a main group; “a segregated school system”; “a segregated neighborhood”
2. lily-white – of a pure white color.
achromatic, neutral – having no hue; “neutral colors like black or white
white as a lily
innocent and pure; unsullied: often used sarcastically
practicing discrimination against, or segregation of, nonwhites, esp. blacks
White Washing or White Washed has a specific meaning as well and I found would be appropriate to be included into the Pseudonym.
To white wash something would be To conceal or gloss over (wrongdoing, for example).
The biggest problem with CSA is the refusal of adults to acknowledge that there is a problem at all.
This post is a work in progress and may be revised…
- Mothers of childhood sexual abuse victims (lilywhitewash.wordpress.com)
- When childhood sexual abuse victims become footballs (dawneden.blogspot.com)
- One in Three Girls Under 18 Are Abused: Most Won’t Disclose; Washington DC Needs to Get Educated On the Subject (dckidsnews.wordpress.com)
- Caring For Survivors of Boyhood Sexual Abuse Is The Next Step In The Penn State Case (forbes.com)
- Teaching Kids About Sexual Abuse: It’s OK To Tell (npr.org)
- No Excuse for Non-reporting of Childhood Sexual Abuse (gofishministries.wordpress.com)
- Childhood sexual abuse and social shaming linked to health issues later (esciencenews.com)
- Is Child Sexual Abuse on the Rise? (scientificamerican.com)
- Protect Sexual Abuse Victims by Supporting the Child Victim’s Act (our-compass.org)
- CSA’s and Thoughts About How Hard It Is To Address Childhood Sexual Abuse (acuriouscure.wordpress.com)
- Purported ‘dad’ who sexually abused teen in his care receives 8 1/2 year sentence (calgaryherald.com)
Its seems shocking and a bit odd that I haven’t found any wordpress blogs written by or supporting the Mothers of childhood sexual abuse victims. Their are countless blogs on wordpress written by the victims themselves. Often written by a adult survivor of such abuse. Obviously the ability to blog about such a life altering experience offers a much needed outlet as well as some amount of emotional support and hopefully healing from such a large community. I, as the mother of a child who suffered sexual abuse, long to speak with, connect with and get feedback from woman (and men) who are living through the same hell I am.
If their is anyone out there who is the mother/father/caregiver who is suffering along side their child while fighting to protect them please leave me a comment.
I feel like there is a lack of moral and emotional support for the parent/s of such victims on wordpress.
Or if anyone knows of any wordpress blogs specifically devoted to parental support of victims of childhood sexual abuse please let me know.
I just wanna find others like me who can relate to this kind of trauma.
The image above is the property of The Star Online
Check out this astounding young ladys blog. Her story is heartbreaking. Her bravery is remarkable and her resolve to inspire change is heroic.
She is a warrior in my opinion, fighting to bring awareness to an epidemic of injustices suffered by children across the world. She fights not with her fists, but her body, in beautiful dance. A dance to bring awareness to the problem of childhood sexual assault. My message to her is to stay strong. You have an amazing opportunity to inspire change and bring awareness. Who knows how many young lives will be changed for the better through your stories and sharing your dance. Though I’ve never met her, I feel a strong bond forged by similar stories we’ve endured. She’s a warrior for the young and innocent. I admire her strength and send her much love and respect.
You can also read more about her mission and her story from The Star Online.
- Walking to Stomp Out Sexual Assault (indiancountrytodaymedianetwork.com)
- Calgary teen in court after alleged sexual assault of three boys in foster home (news.nationalpost.com)
- Bravery of a warrior (runimal800.wordpress.com)
Its 4am and I can’t get to sleep. I’ve already cleaned out my closet. Hung some curtains and relocated some of my moms clothes to another closet. The thing is, today is going to be a bittesweet day. It has huge potential for being a day that open up the proverbial can of worms. Im not a huge fan of worms, even the packaged sort. Ugh, im crossing my fingers and hoping for the best.
I have taken Darkness to Lights prevention program. Unfortunately it was after the fact. I am now a STEWARD FOR CHILDREN and encourage anyone who reads this post to visit the links to both the article I’ve quoted below written by Anny Jacoby, A Personal Safety Expert and Coach. You will also find a vast amount of helpful links and resources on her site.
ReBlogged article from Anny Jacobys website:
In the past thirty years the field of investigation, identification, and treatment for children who have experienced sexual abuse has progressed and changed tremendously. But child sexual abuse prevention had remained relatively unchanged—teach kids about good touch/bad touch, tell them to say no, and teach them to tell a trusted adult if something happens. But this set of strategies puts a weighty burden on the slender shoulders of children. Most people who sexually abuse children are not only known to the child but trusted by the child and their family. Teens and adults who abuse children can easily confuse and shame a child into silence. Most victims of child sexual abuse do not disclose their abuse; leaving the victims to struggle alone with the emotional fall-out from the abuse.
Darkness to Light has developed a child sexual abuse prevention training, Stewards of Children, that puts the burden of preventing child sexual abuse on the shoulders of adults. Stewards of Children aims to teach the facts about child sexual abuse and increase the protective behaviors of adults. It encourages adult participants to learn the facts about child sexual abuse, to review the policies and procedures of the child serving agencies and communities of which they are a part, and encourages all child serving staff know what to do if a child discloses abuse to them.
The reality of child sexual abuse is hard to face in both its prevalence (some experts estimate that 1-4 girls and 1-6 boys are sexually abuse before their 18th birthday) and its impact. The Chapel Hill-Carrboro and the Chatham YMCA, North Carolina has decided to face the harsh reality of child sexual abuse and has started the YMCA Community Coalition for Awareness and Prevention of Child Sexual Abuse. Community awareness meetings (Prevent Now!, one hour) are available as well as Darkness to Light prevention training, Stewards of Children, (2.5-3 hours) for interested community groups (day/evening and weekend training available).
Preventing Child Sexual Abuse-An Adult’s Responsibility
- Child Sexual Abuse and Mental Health (rcasa.wordpress.com)
- Anny Jacoby Facilitating Darkness to Light’s Stewards of Children Program (imaginepublicity.com)
- The Aftermath of Childhood Sexual Abuse (everydayhealth.com)
- Lauren’s Kids and EZBloomers.com Partners to Promote Sexual Assault Prevention for Mother’s Day (prweb.com)
- Signs of Child Sexual Abuse (volunteermanual.wordpress.com)
- Common Myths About Child Sexual Abuse and Incest (socyberty.com)
- Healing From Emotional Trauma (everydayhealth.com)
- This Friday’s TAALK-A-THON to Discuss Why 1 in 4 Girls and 1 in 6 Boys are Sexually Abused Before Age 18 (prweb.com)
I’m going back to the start
- all time favourite song. (rachelreminiscence.wordpress.com)