Bittersweet

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Today was absolutely a Bittersweet day. It was a DSS court day so going in I already knew I would walk out in a funk regardless of what the court had to say. There really is nothing about this process that gives me peace. It has, since day 1, felt like a no win situation. Even if the small victories offer a bit of relief, that relief is always accompanied by sorrow. I guess you could say it was a good day in hell. Dss has stepped out of the picture and the court ordered that I have full custody of the my children and that my husband remain under the restraining order and is to have no contact. This was all based on the sex offender assessment and therapy plan he had to do. The court also ordered that he would have to seek custody privately and only after the doctor who is overseeing his therapy and treatment plan has determined that he is no longer a risk to the children. They said that it was not the doctors/therapist recommendation at this time to reunite him and the children. Its my understanding that he has to continue therapy and has been required to complete it before he can seek any kind of reunification. Bittersweet…my youngest child is not a direct victim of his crime but she is indeed a victim of his actions, this will be painful for her.

The good news: it may be a turning point for me. For the first time since april 2, 2010 I can honestly say that I’m starting to look forward with guarded hope (but hope none the less) as opposed to viewing my life in rewind. I can’t say that I won’t be looking back anymore, but maybe not as much as I’ve become accustomed to.

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