Positive book reviews make the author seem like a DICK!

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What’s with the reviews at the front of ever fiction book. It feels like the author is trying to upsale you on the book by adding a page full of reviews that usually has nothing to do with the book itself. For instance, a review in the front of Ted Dekker’s book Thr3e reads as follows: “Ted Dekker is clearly one of the most gripping storytellers alive today. He creates plots that keep your heart pounding and palms sweating even after you’ve finished his books.” -Jeremy Reynalds Syndicated columnist

Well, thank god I came across this book in a second hand store, and more importantly that is was priced at only $1.00. Had it been a penny more I would’ve never known that a mere penny could have stood in the way of me being blessed with the bankroll and good fortune of the virtues of “one mans trash is another mans treasures.” I am now the proud owner of a piece of work crafted by none other than an author who is “Clearly one of the Most Gripping storytellers ALIVE today.” All I can say is, phew… that was a close call.
As for the claims that his plots will keep your heart pounding and palms sweating, I would just like to make quick note that there are no warnings on the front cover for those with heart issues and it appears as though the previous owner of my recent second hand purchase has pages as crisp and clean as it did in the days it graced the shelves of the first hand book store. No sign of sweaty palms on these pages. I can reasonably conclude that this anomaly is obviously due to some sort of magical clammy hand repellent that the most gripping storyteller alive must possess.
Ted Dekker, this pat on the “book” is for you bud. You’re awesomeness has won my purchase. Though I may not read the book, you can rest assured that you have won yourself a lifelong fan (of rediculous positive reviews that make me feel all warm and snuggly about you regardless of the content of your work).

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