Surviving Hell

Sexual Abuse: A Journal of Research and Treatment

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A page dedicated to…

The Bad News: I found out in the early hours of the morning of April 2nd that my husband of 8 years had been sexually abusing my middle child. My preteen daughter. It is by far the most traumatic, and life changing event my children and myself have ever endured. I hope to chronicle the effects as well as the reality of this brutal crime committed on my family by the one person we looked to for safety and love. I hope to depict the emotional roller coaster of our devastating journey to as honestly as possible.

 

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Flight of mind:

Still stretching my wings, praying for the day when flight is possible.

Fumbling towards insanity away from the criminally insane.

I’m still trying to figure out how to organize my thoughts. Forcing function and fluidity upon free flowing thoughts is a task. I don’t think in MLA format. This may take some time.

I was tooling through some old status updates, this one is exceptionally painful to read and can’t be done without tears:
***** *******: In honor of our first trip to New York tom has dutifully asked every toll booth worker a question. He reminded me that the first toll booth I ever seen in my life I advised him to ask a question… so to get my monies worth.
November 6, 2009 at 2:21 amMr Explaino has zero luck

 Ex’d from his life

As necessary as it is to get divorced, it still makes me cry to think of the day that I will no longer be Mrs. *******. I don’t want to divorce the man I love. I don’t want to divorce my best friend. I don’t want to live the rest of my days without him by my side or in my thoughts. I don’t want to be his Ex.

The Dating Game

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 I am not divorced yet, a sentence I’ve choked out a time or two before and feel morally obligated to do again. That is, until, it’s no longer the reason for my current state of psychosis. With only a few short months away from The Big Day (D-Day) I’ve decided to while away the hours by stretching my wings just to see what this dating thing is all about. After all, I haven’t ‘dated’ in more than 10 years and more realistically, I’ve never really “dated” at all. I went from single to married with children in a White Trash Minute. Until recently, the only dating I’ve done was with my future husband/s to be (and for those taking count, I’ve been married twice, divorced only but once. I know…shocking right.) 

I admit, I’m new to this whole “dating just to date” business. Fear not, i’m dedicated to the idea of dating… to discover who I am, what I want, what kinda fish there are out there in the great big ol’ sea and how many pellets can I ping off them before im forced to wade near the shore. Oh, I should also recite the other reason for dating to date, The Fun of It. At least that’s the reason I’ve subscribed to so that I won’t be taken to a back alley and flogged to death by my ever-expanding and inordinately bright cohort. 

This “idea” seems to have turned up a bit of a problem for yours truly. Ok, so I am learning a lot about who I am, grea-ttt…learning new stuff. And I’m also learning a lot about what I DON’T want, woohoo…it must be my day. But, im severely deficient in the “Having FUN” department. Ahem… Is it just me… ahem? Not likely. Is it interesting? Absolutely. Maybe even shocking? Yep. How about expensive? It hasn’t been cheap. But has it been FUN? Meh…Not as of Yet!

I’m dedicating this category to detailing (or just the occasional highlights of) the “Interesting” experiences I’ve been so luckily blessed by.

BTW, I’ve coined a new term in honor of the overwhelming number of gentlemen who’ve shared with me, in short time and quite unexpectedly, some of the most intimate images of their favorite family member. I call these images…. DICTURES!

 

 

33443.)

yourconfessions:

I was barely 4 when i got molested at the playground. This could possibly be one of my earliest childhood memory. It scarred me for life. Now i’m afraid to meet people and guys in general. Even if i do, i’ll shield myself, not letting myself fall in love cause’ i know guys would want more than being friends. They want benefits and this triggers the memory. I told no one except my best friend.. that it until she betrayed me, betrayed our friendship and she could’ve been spreading this ugly memory of mine out. 

Wow, this is really powerful…

Posted at 10:46 AM 17 notes Permalink ∞ Source: yourconfessions

You don’t throw a whole life away just ‘cause it’s banged up a little.

Posted at 6:05 AM Permalink ∞

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Mar 7
wishawaysoulischeap:         Verbal abuse is just as bad as physical abuse. It’s abuse in the form of words. They still burn, sting, and hurt. Words are just as dangerous as fists. Don’t assume that a few hurtful words won’t cost them their lives. Don’t assume that just because you haven’t put one finger on them, you’re not responsible for what happens after that. Mentally and emotionally, they are bruising, bleeding, and suffocating. Your words have power, please choose them wisely.         wishawaysoulischeap:

Verbal abuse is just as bad as physical abuse. It’s abuse in the form of words. They still burn, sting, and hurt. Words are just as dangerous as fists. Don’t assume that a few hurtful words won’t cost them their lives. Don’t assume that just because you haven’t put one finger on them, you’re not responsible for what happens after that. Mentally and emotionally, they are bruising, bleeding, and suffocating. Your words have power, please choose them wisely. 

(via imnotasocialscene)

Posted at 11:04 PM 2,749 notes Permalink ∞ Source: thrillofit-

imnotasocialscene asked: I wouldn’t consider my abuse as bad as the victims who dealt with sexual abuse as a child. I was a victim of verbal abuse. It wasn’t as bad, but it was abuse none the less and it still leaves scars.

When I was younger, I was called ugly and fat countless times by boys and girls. When I was 10, I wanted to be beautiful. In my eyes, skinny was beauty. A boy told me one day I would never be beautiful. So I didn’t believe in it anymore. I didn’t believe I would ever be beautiful.

Looking back, it seems so stupid. How could I let my self confidence get that low? Also, how could kids be so mean? It’s been six years, and teenagers are just as worse if not more.

In this environment we live in today, it’s hard to have self confidence, if any at all. I’ve learned alot and I feel like I’ve become much stronger. But I have a long long way to go before I will ever feel beautiful and accept myself.

I just want to let everyone know, that it does get better. There are brighter days. I know that sounds repetitive, but you have to believe it. You will have your time to shine. I promise.

That’s a video I made for girls who don’t feel beautiful. I’m not saying you will watch it and feel beautiful after watching it. But I want it to give girls hope. I believe there needs to be more of that into today’s society.

I hope my story has helped at least one person. Thanks for listening.

You ARE beautiful. And you have the cutest voice, lol

Kudos for helping people, you’re an incredible person.

Things do get better & it takes a strong person to realize that.

much love &  support

xx

Posted at 7:51 PM Permalink ∞

2 responses to “Surviving Hell

  1. This is sad to here, Lily. God bless you, continually … you’re very brave to stand up for your child, even though it has cost you dearly. Consider your sacrifice a mighty, mighty powerful seed sown that will bear more fruit than you can imagine later.
    I hope that you and your girl will read this together:
    Psalm 57:3 Amplified Bible (AMP)
    3He will send from heaven and save me from the slanders and reproaches of him who would trample me down or swallow me up, and He will put him to shame. Selah [pause, and calmly think of that]! God will send forth His mercy and loving-kindness and His truth and faithfulness.
    http://bit.ly/deliveredfromshame
    God has promised to deliver those who trust Him from shame.
    Shalom to you and yours – May the Lord Restore It All. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

    • Thank you for sharing such a beautiful scripture and prayer with us Donna Marie. I assure you my actions, though they may seem brave, were instinctual and through the pureness of a mothers love for her children. I appreciate all of your kind words as it means a great deal to me, specifically as of lately because a kind word of support can go along way with a girl like me whos trying to fight my way outta depression.
      God Bless You,
      Lily

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