After reading the article below, it became shocking clear to me how much I miss and desperately long for the little things that make a marriage/intimate relationship so fullfilling.
In my marriage, my husband was the strong one who carried the weight of the families safety and security (as I perceived it incorrectly during the marriage, in theory more than reality due to the physical and emotional harm he actually had caused) on his shoulders. He was a very loving and nurturing partner and father and always an outstanding provider.
Whenever he would get sick, like a minor cold, or stepped on a rock that bruised his heel, or witnessed someone that was sick and sure he was coming down with something fatal like dengue fever, malaria, or west nile virus, lol, I happily and lovingly tended to my sick and on the verge of death spouse’s every need. And I did so happily and lovingly as it was one of the very few times I could be his source of comfort and his strength and backbone. I loved to care for him when he was struck with a “killer cold”. It gave me the chance to be his everything.
The other situation that I always came through for him was our Snake/Spider agreement. I handled any encounter with snakes for him as he was deathly afraid of them and he in return handled any spider encounters for me due to my insane arachnophobia. Btw, I think I may have saved him from more snake encounters as in our line of work we seemed to come across a lot. It made me feel incredible useful.
Being single now for almost two years has brought to the surface some emotions about the little things that I loved about being married. I miss that kind of closeness and long to feel and be that role for someone once again.
The bottom line is, I miss being in love. I miss have a partner to walk through life with and yes, I miss making soup for my guy who has a cold and kissing his forehead. I miss picking out the very best kleenex for him so his nose doesn’t become as red as rudolphs. I miss being tender and affectionate and have tenderness, affection, and love showed to me.
I miss the little things that create a bond between two people and sharing my life with someone. I miss love.
A Couple’s Worst Nightmare: The Common Cold – DivineCaroline
http://www.divinecaroline.com/22077/124497-couple-s-worst-nightmare-common-cold
Why Lily White
Image via Wikipedia
The term Lily White has a long and ugly past as it applies to American history and its culture.
Specifically, the term Lily-White Movement, as defined by Wikipedia, was an anti-civil-rights movement within the Republican Party in the United States in the late 19th and early 20th centuries. The movement was a response to the political and socioeconomic gains made by African-Americans following the Civil War and the Thirteenth Amendment to the Constitution, which eliminated slavery. Black leaders gained increasing influence in the party by organizing blacks as an important voting bloc. Conservative white groups attempted to eliminate this influence and recover white voters who had defected to the Democratic Party.
“The lily white movement is one of the darkest and underexamined eras of US Republicanism.”
This movement is largely credited with driving blacks out of the Republican party during the early 20th century, setting the stage for their eventual support of the Democrats.
In essence, the movements goal was to suppress the votes (or in my opinion, the VOICE and Validity) of Black Americans.
As I began to speak up and speak out about a problem that touches far to many lives I realized pretty quickly that most people didn’t want to hear about the reality of the problem. It almost seemed as though the words I spoke offended a falsely innocent view of american culture and the violence that is going on in american children’s lives at the hands of adults, usually the adults that are closest to them.
A few definitions from around the web:
Defined by Double-Tongued.org
1.) Lilywhite
n. a person without a police record; someone who does not trigger suspicions; a clean-skin.
This particular definition is the one that solidified my decision to use the term as the Pseudonym I would blog under. I started blogging specifically because the subject of Childhood Sexual Abuse, a subject that has recently and violently thrust itself into mine and my family’s life, was one that seemed to offend the public so much so that even as a victim/survivor, speaking about any aspect of the issue is highly frowned upon publicly. As I understood it, if I wanted to speak up, if I wanted to talk about this issue, it would have to be done privately and somewhat UNDER THE RADAR, so to speak.
The bottom line is, MY VOICE WON’T BE SILENCED. I WON’T CONFORM AND SHUT UP. But like many things, sometimes the best approach is one that is the least abrasive, for the moment at least.
I have quoted Dr. King many times before on this blog. Here are some that have resonated with me:
He who passively accepts evil is as much involved in it as he who helps to perpetrate it. He who accepts evil without protesting against it is really cooperating with it.
Martin Luther King, Jr.
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
Martin Luther King, Jr.
Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity.
Martin Luther King, Jr.
Martin Luther King, Jr.
Martin Luther King, Jr.
TheFreeDictionary.com
2.) lil·y-white (l
l
-hw
t
, -w
t
)
Adj. 1. lily-white – restricted to whites only; “under segregation there were even white restrooms and white drinking fountains”; “a lily-white movement which would expel Negroes from the organization”
white
segregated, unintegrated – separated or isolated from others or a main group; “a segregated school system”; “a segregated neighborhood”
2. lily-white – of a pure white color.
achromatic, neutral – having no hue; “neutral colors like black or white
Yourdictionary.com
3.) lily-white
adjective
white as a lily
innocent and pure; unsullied: often used sarcastically
practicing discrimination against, or segregation of, nonwhites, esp. blacks
White Washing or White Washed has a specific meaning as well and I found would be appropriate to be included into the Pseudonym.
To white wash something would be To conceal or gloss over (wrongdoing, for example).
The biggest problem with CSA is the refusal of adults to acknowledge that there is a problem at all.
This post is a work in progress and may be revised…
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Posted in Abuse, Blah Blah Blah Blog, Change: not just something that makes your hands stink anymore, Childhood Sexual Abuse, Coming to terms..., Commentary on My Cohort, csa, FEARS, More than 6 word memoirs, mothers of csa victims, Mothers of Survivors of Childhood Sexual Abuse, PEERS, Sexual Abuse, Six Word Memoirs, TEARS, The Bad, Things that make me cry, Uncategorized
Tagged Abuse, African American, Child abuse, Child sexual abuse, Childhood Sexual Abuse, Civil rights movement, Democratic Party, Democrats, History, King, Lily White, Lily-White Movement, LilyWhite, Martin Luther King, Martin Luther King Day, Perception, Personal strength, Posttraumatic stress disorder, Psychological trauma, Race and ethnicity in the United States Census, Republican, Republican Party, Republicans, Sexual abuse, Thirteenth Amendment to the United States Constitution, United States